Where Did Summer Go?

Summer was long and slow when I was ten. It was rather enjoyable and fun, and long enough when I was fifteen. It picked up pace when I was twenty three and got married, it became a little shorter as both hubby and I worked full time. It turned into a whirlwind when I was holding an infant in my arms at the age of twenty five. Now at thirty one, with two kids, two family businesses, summer seems to have disappeared! Anyone else feel this way? It almost seems like each year is four weeks long and those weeks are winter, spring, summer, fall. That's how fast life is flying in front of me.  

This forces me to stop and enjoy separate moments, to create those moments, to say no to some things that rob me of precious time with the kids. To say yes to some things that enable me to spend more time with them - ironically for me that's photographing weddings on weekends, if it wasn't for that I'd have to find a day job and see the kids much less. I've had to learn to say no to social media. To temporarily say no to this blog, as much as it is another 'baby' of mine. To say no to people that always want something from me and drain me. To say "Yes, let's go to the beach!". To say "Yes, how about rollerblading in the park!". To set aside the phone and give my littles a BIG hug.

I don't want to remember this summer spent sitting in front of a screen, worrying about every little thing in running my business. It's amazing how when we let go off the worry, make time for our family, the rest just happens so much easier, it comes - maybe slower, but in it's own time. 

Not only that, but what will the kids remember? Mine are outdoor addicts and if I don't feed their addiction to fresh air and sunshine we would all drive each other nuts indoors. Summer may feel like it's eluded me, but we've most certainly made memories - painting a room together with our kids, creating their own new space, beach days with homeschoolers and friends, family rollerblading trips, lots of biking, splash parks, lake trips, and plenty of fresh air. We can't afford a tropical family vacation, not by a long shot, but you don't need a whole lot of money to make memories with your kids. I spent as much time with them as I could before a very busy wedding season this August and September!

Would love to hear about your summer! How do you keep it from escaping so quick and make memories?

A Unique Potty Learning Chart

So yeah, potty training a boy is not happening as easily as it did with my girl. Most moms told me, now I believe it. I see now that it is more "parent intensive" with boys than with girls. Okay, so my sample size of two children doesn't mean it's true for everyone, but that's my observation! I really wish we started earlier, much earlier - like in some countries where babies are potty learning when they are less than one year old and guess what - it works!

Baby T turned 3 in November, his birthday came and went. Now I'm left with a boy who is mildly interested in the potty. Well at least he is over the fear of it he used to have. I kid you not, he would scream be very uncomfortable at the sight of it. What really helped us is abandoning the potty entirely and switching to the toilet with a Little Looster (awesome product, LOVE it!) that Baby E has been using since she was three. This marked the turning point of actually having time on the potty without fits, of course this means I had to entertain him long enough for him to sit there and eliminate. This meant books and stories with my hands as puppets. 

Then I had another idea that went off in my head like a bulb. I used to tell myself I'd never be the mom using potty training charts for my kids! Of course the moment came when I actually though it would be a good idea. I didn't want to make a boring traditional chart though, it goes against out free-thinking life-learning tendencies. So I came up with this quick road drawing and we got car and construction vehicles stickers (there are tons of fun ones like these and these and these). He loves it and there is definitely progress! Now I hope we will not be needing stickers forever, but it has worked to motivate him and now he sometimes asks to go, though half the time I just put him on the potty myself. 

There are also plenty of neutral stickers like these and these or girly ones if you have a little princess, my daughter would love these and these. You can get really creative with scenes and themes! Draw a jungle, a castle, a highway, or a zoo - whatever your kids like. Some of the Melissa and Doug sticker pads come with habitats already drawn, perfect if you're not really into drawing your own. 

The key for us is having little boy undies that he wears at home so he becomes very aware of when an accident happens and more thoughtful about when he has to go. Even better when he can run around without any bottoms at all, but it's not always possible with a very curious 6 year old sister. Unless he is wearing a long shirt that covers his bum, I will put undies on him It's been really hard to find ones without annoying cartoon characters! Are you with me on that? We've had success with the fit of these on our super slim boy. If finances weren't as tight, I'd love some organic undies for him like these and these.  

It also helps when there is an older sibling, these two are inseparable. He witnesses that his older sister doesn't wear diapers and goes on the toiler all by herself. She can also be helpful in telling me when he has to go even if I'm not in the same room and may be busy editing photos from a wedding or photo session for Borisyuk Photography. Other times she just let's me know that her baby brother is already stinky or there is "clean up on aisle two". Those are not fun! That's why when he is in real undies, I try to at least be in close vicinity to prevent accidents!

How is potty training going for you? Do you have a little boy? If you've been there, tips are welcome!

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Not Babies {photos}

Are you in a season change in your life? I don't mean literally, but figuratively. New little ones arriving. Kids getting older. Kids leaving for college. I feel like we're in the midst of a change. No newborns or infants and finally nearing a time when I can leave the house with them without risking a tantrum in public. That coveted "diaper free" life on the horizon, potty learning... Then that thought of "we may not be done". Are we done? With kids? Everyone asks. Especially when you have one of each already! Like it's some sort of magic combination. 

I look at them and simultaneously think "We could be done and I want another one". I've always been indecisive, but when it comes to having children, even more so. Most moments I just try not to think about the future but live in the present because my babies aren't babies any more. Sad and happy at that thought all at the same time. They are still my babies. They are big to me when I look at newborns, they are little to me when I look at teenagers. They become so, so precious in moments when I hear of parents loosing their babies.

In the throes of homeschooling and life-learning, I'm surrounded by other moms on a similar journey that truly appreciate how short of a time we have with our children. Some have little families, some have big ones. Some are religious, some aren't. Some stay home, some work part time, some work full time while managing to homeschool. All of them from a great variety of backgrounds and cultures. We all have one thing in common though - cherishing the time we have with our 'babies'. We're not perfect, but we really enjoy simply being present for our families. Because babies don't keep and life is short. 

I don't want to paint a rosy picture. It's a great challenge and I'm not sure who is learning more, me or my children. I'm learning how to run a growing Boston area wedding photography business (new website and name by the way!). I have so much respect and solidarity for all business owning moms out there! I had no idea what I was getting myself into. My head is spinning with all the legal, bookkeeping, and financial stuff that goes into starting a business - hours upon hours of work that you do not get compensated for but have to pay for somehow. Then throw in a good measure of mommy guilt for the time I spend building the business while they nap, while they put on plays, play make believe, build with Legos, and just plain run around and drive each other nuts. I have to say though, this is also good for them, I can see how their free play time has shaped them into the little no-so-babies they are. 

Are you in a similar season or someplace else? Babies growing? Jobs changing? Homeschooling? New arrivals?

How do you "live in the moment" through the routine of daily life?

Being a Small Business Owner and Homeschooling Mom: Dream vs. Reality

The title sums up my life right now. It's idyllic. Well, that's what I thought some five years ago when I was dreaming of staying home with the kids, homeschooling, and owning my own photography business. Mission accomplished! We're here! Living the dream! 

Ha! Of course there is a caveat. Many of them. Clearly things cannot be perfect, this is life. I do not regret for a moment being here, but I am just now starting to get a glimpse of what I've gotten myself into, in a good way. 

You know how we often dream up the ideal scenario and then adjust our expectations when we actually get there? That's how parenting is after all. That's how business ownership is. That's how homeschooling is. I've got all three. Did I mention my husband is working three weeks away from home every month right now? Yep, I'm on my own, but somehow enjoying it. Here is our "Dream" and "Reality" scenario for a day of living and learning. 

DREAM

Morning: I work on editing photos while the kids sleep soundly.

They wake up mid-morning and we have a leisurely breakfast, maybe even their favorite - pancakes I make from scratch.  

We sit outside in the sun and read with my 5 year old while my toddler plays with toys and a ball. Baby E is not at all frustrated with learning to read. Then we read a slew of fun learning books we got from the library about castles, farming, world geography, and geometry. My almost 3 year old is into it too. We color some coloring books.

We go meet up with some local homeschoolers at a playground for a couple of hours. Have a light picnic.

We arrive home just in time to have lunch and put Baby T down for a nap. 

While I work, Baby E does some coloring, drawing, and crafts - unassisted and never calls my name. I've booked one more wedding for 2015 and I feel like I've accomplished a ton of work!

Baby T wakes up around 4 and I have dinner from scratch on the table in half an hour. This leaves us enough time for some biking outside.

My mom arrives and takes the kids to a park so I can go to a meeting with a potential client/couple. 

I come back home and the kids aren't back yet. I make, vaccuum pack, and freeze a few more meals for my husband's next trip. I clean the whole kitchen. 

Kids arrive, we have a pre-bed snack (yogurt or toasted sprouted bread with raw cheddar), say goodbye to grandma, brush teeth, and read five books without kids whining. Lights out. They fall asleep in 5 minutes. So do I. Daddy/hubby is coming back tomorrow!

REALITY

I'm too exhausted from the day before to wake up with my alarm to edit photos, I beat myself up over it when I wake up an hour before the kids do, instead of 3 hours. 

Ten minutes later Baby T wakes up, I try to shush him back to sleep. He falls asleep but Baby E is up and ready to learn. 

I set her up with her favorite math and phonics games on a computer next to mine in the office. 

I make a last dash attempt to at least answer any urgent bride emails (I photograph weddings!)

Baby E whines she is hungry, I bring her a dried pea snack. 

Baby T wakes up crying, wants to sleep but it's too late to do that. I distract him in their playroom/bedroom. 

I beg Baby E to play with her little brother while I finish typing an urgent email reply. 

For a quick breakfast I boil eggs, they whine but say they'll eat them with the organic ketchup. ;)

We're late for a homeschool meet-up at the park. Thankfully we're not the only ones. 

We have too much fun there and end up staying later than planned, which means Baby T is absolutely cranky and his diaper is dirty. I remember how terrible it is that he isn't potty trained yet and that I am (gasp!) using an Eco disposable for outings instead of cloth diapers. He refuses to nap and my whole mid-day work-time is out the window. 

He needs to chill, so I set them up with water-coloring while I heat up leftovers for a late lunch.

I leave them to paint for a quick 10 minutes while I check email. No new weddings booked today and I realize how darn competitive the Boston wedding photography market is, not to mention marketing here is expensive, so I'm stuck with the slow and steady growth of word-of-mouth.  

Come back to burnt left-overs and watercolors on the table. What was I thinking?!

We eat what's left of leftovers, they beg for dessert, I smother some butter on challah and call it "dessert".

I realize it's after 5 and we haven't read with Baby E today, we sit down to read in the kitchen because it's raining outside. After page two of her little reader book she says she is done. I make her read one more page. 

They ask to build an "airplane", so we do...

I turn on some audio books for the kids to listen to while I attempt to clean the kitchen and send a wedding photography quote to another couple.

I extinguish a sibling squabble, they hug and make up. I marvel at how lucky they are to have each other and remember that Baby T needs a younger sibling pronto - he is selfish (aren't we all?).
We play a math game, learn some notes on the piano, kids are hungry and have their pre-bed snack.
After much arguing I get them to brush their teeth. They fight over and rip a library book while I go shut down the computer in the office.
Mommy is angry. Mommy tells Baby E that her savings will go toward paying for that library book. Baby E cries profusely. Mommy feels terrible, but she did pull the book from her brother and she knows we don't do that. I read them one short story and turn off the lights because I can't take her sobbing anymore, we just all need to sleep. Tomorrow is a new day!

*   *   *

It's definitely a challenge and a huge responsibility to have this much FREEDOM in both work and education. 

The good news is that most days are somewhere between Dream and Reality. It's never really idyllic and it's never really a disaster. Which makes it actually quite enjoyable and something I feel I can survive! We don't have a typical day. We could be at the zoo. We could be visiting with a friend. We could be at the library for 2 hours because they can't get enough of all the incredible books there. I have weeks where I have several photo sessions and weeks where I have none. I have moments where I'm frazzled and moments of peace. I guess you could call it balance, though I'm scared of using that word as I've written before. 

I am just thankful to be here, in a place that works for our family. In a place where learning revolves around our life. I salute all those that have to daily deal with life revolving around strict school and work schedules. Staying positive helps get through any hardship no matter what your living/learning situation!

Homeschooling/Unschooling mamas, what's are your days like? Do you have a rhythm to your day or a strict schedule?

Baby E's New Milestone!

I thought this day would never come! You know how sometimes your kids can't do something for what seems the longest time, and then they surprise you and finally "get it"? Love those moments, they are like precious pearls from deep down in the sea. So guess what? Baby E is finally riding her big girl bike without training wheels!

I thought it would take us months. She just seemed so scared by the entire concept. 

Here is the back story. She has been riding her wooden balance bike since she was two (here is our review from eons ago). She was still riding it comfortably with the seat all the way up when she was 5. At that point we decided we should get her a 16" 'big girl bike' and we found a great one on Craigslist for a steal of $40 - it's almost identical to this one. It doesn't have the bells and whistles, but it had training wheels that we thought we needed. 

So last fall she tried the big bike and it just seemed too BIG. She barely reached the ground with her toes, though the pedals were placed just right for her height. With training wheels this bike seemed really cumbersome and not very easily maneuverable. So she kept riding her balance bike as it is so light and easy for her to handle. Spring rolled around and I was afraid she would just keep riding her wooden bike even though it's time to pass it on to Baby T. 

A few weeks ago she said she wanted to learn to ride the big bike. So I hauled it outside for her on several occasions to let her ride with training wheels. She hated it! The loud rattling of the training wheels made her nervous. So I promised her we would buy knee and elbow pads so she could try it out without the training wheels, so we essentially skipped them altogether. 

I first got her this set of knee and elbow pads, which turned out to be great quality but huge and better suited for teenagers who are into BMX (duh, the name should have rang a bell). Then I ordered this set and it turned out to be perfect for her. It will later be passed on to her brother along with her helmet. 

The day finally arrived! She was all decked out in her helmet and pads, ready to ride. With Baby T in the stroller, we set out down our street. She kept walking the bike down the street, afraid to get her feet on the pedals. I had to set Baby T on the lawn, buckled into his stroller so he doesn't run away while I alleviated Baby E's fears by running down the street and holding the bike in the back. This gave her a confidence boost and some security and she finally got the feet on the pedals. She insisted that I do not let go!

After three brief runs up and down the street I asked "Do you want to try it yourself?" She said no. I said that I can't keep running, I'm exhausted, and her brother can't sit there and watch all day. So I got the stroller and we started walking toward our playground. She was walking the bike. I kept nagging for her to put the feet on the pedals. She said she is scared. So I remembered a song she loves from a Russian Christian Kids CD that she loves to listen to, the chorus is along the lines of "you can do anything if you simply believe". So we started singing it with her. I stopped nagging and giving her pointers. We just walked slowly and I let her process it herself. 

A minute later, just like that, she accumulated some walking speed, picked up her feet, placed them on the pedals, and the look on her face was priceless! She was checking to see if I was watching, how could I miss it?! I immediately remembered when I first learned to ride my bike, I was about 7. Baby E is 5. She beat me. 

I firmly believe that riding the balance bike for three years was what made this transition so easy. She did not need to learn to balance, she just needed to master those pedals and that's much easier to learn than two things at once. 

The next day she learned to turn and now I look at her and it seems like she's been riding that big bike for years! So proud of my not-so-little girl! I'm learning to let go a little, watching her ride the bike reminds me that soon enough a day will come when I'll have to let her go. 

What's your experience with 'big bike' transition for your kids? Did your children ever try a balance bike before switching to one with pedals and no training wheels? 

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How I've Learned to Embrace Technology for My Kids

You've probably read or at least noticed the Huffington Post article "10 Reasons Why Handheld Devices Should be Banned for Children Under the Age of 12". Unless you live under a rock, like me. I only noticed it days later and only because it came up in my Facebook feed. 

As I read it I had to both nod in agreement and cringe in disagreement. I don't want to offer up some one-sided "science" studies here or make lofty arguments. My response comes from a place of personal experience and my favorite - common sense. You often see me referring to common sense here on Eco-Babyz, it's like a lost art, seriously. 

I've had my first computer at age 12 or 13, a monstrosity that took up an entire corner desk. I actually still have my first email address, though I seldom check it anymore. Like many of you I've lived through the technology boom. I was fortunate, however, to have a fairly tech-free childhood for the first 12 years. We had television and I even had a Nintendo back in Russia and played Mario! But I only remember using it during the long Russian winters, my spring, fall, and summer were spent outdoors. 

As I prepared to become a parent and then we welcomed our first child, Baby E, I had a phobia of mixing kids and technology. We also experienced first hand that too much TV time changed our toddler for the worst and our TV free experiment yielded tons of benefits. Yes, I wrote about childhood TV addiction as well. 

It is sad to me that right now, for many children around the country, television replaces interaction with parents, siblings, and the world. They wake up with it, go to bed with it, eat in front of it, watch it while mom makes dinner, takes a shower, cleans the house, it is their babysitter, pacifier, time occupier, and outdoors replacement. Of course no one argues that something like that could be healthy or good for a child's development. You don't need a study to know that, it's common sense.

So here is why we embrace interactive technology offered by handheld devices (not just passive screen time) and use common sense to manage it....

21st Century! Technology skills in the age we live in are an absolute necessity. There is no going back, as much as we would want to dream about carefree, technology free days. The secret is using this technology to our benefit, not detriment. While I don't think toddlers under two benefit from this technology in any way, I also don't think that brief exploration of a handheld device by a three year old with a solid 'real world' learning foundation will fry his brains. Technology is advancing at a pace we can't keep up with, I think it benefits our children to learn to use it wisely, to be flexible and adaptable to change.

Learning and Critical Thinking. While I firmly believe that the foundation of how our children learn should be real-world play, I've witnessed with my first child that after a certain age a handheld device benefits and enhances learning in addition to plenty of unstructured play and outdoor time. Could they do without it? Absolutely, people have for nearly all of time anyway! I've seen very young children daily tethered to handheld devices for their short life, you don't have to look hard to see that they are underdeveloped by the age of 3 than peers who get to play freely in the real world and receive interaction with people that aids in the formation of their brain and language skills. But for older children who have already grasped more of reality vs. make believe, who have a developed vocabulary, brief use of handheld devices actually helps with critical thinking, development, and creativity. It's a great source of inspiration beyond what we are daily surrounded with.

Pursuing Passions. Since we are homeschooling in this technologically advanced age, it allows my children and I to learn so much about subjects we are passionate about. Hey, I wouldn't be where I am today with photography if it wasn't for the learning opportunities through technology! While we don't always use a handheld device for this, sometimes we do. It may mean taking a photo of an insect with the iPod so that we can later look up what it is. It may mean watching a video about volcanoes when my daughter asks what an eruption looks like. It may mean watching a how-to video together when my 5 year old tells me she wants to learn to embroider. Sometimes it may just be my 2.5 year old watching the hayride video we filmed over and over and over again because he is a little obsessed with tractors! As they get older, this technology puts the world at their fingertips, there is no limit to what they can learn and how it can help them discover their passion in this life.

Keeping in Touch. Boy do we know this first hand. Now that daddy is temporarily away for three weeks at a time for work - handheld devices are a lifeline! It is the obvious way to keep hubby and wife, daddy and kids connected. I have no smart phone, but my iPod and regular cell phone are the primary way the kids keep in touch with dad. Not to mention we also have family and friends all over the world, technology enables us to keep connected in between the times we see each other in person. As we homeschool, I still want the kids to send snail mail and write letters for practice, I think that's important, but technology isn't going anywhere!

Unconventional Income Sources. I am a testament to the fact that technology has created ways of earning income in ways that were never possible before. It is a huge resource for entrepreneurs like myself. I run two online-only businesses from home and have never met the hundreds of contacts I've built through the internet. This enables me to stay home with our kids and still contribute to our family's income! You would think, yes, that's great for moms. But I say it's great for everyone. Because we are raising children with family values and together-time really high on the priority list, I know that as they get older and start their own families - like us they will wish they had ways to generate income and spend more time with family. Being technologically savvy will only help them in entrepreneurial endeavors.

Learning moderation. This is how children think. "I want it all and I want it now". At least my kids think this way! Giving them access to handheld devices and teaching them (hopefully by example) that it isn't always the proper time to use them, teaches them moderation. They will eventually learn that just because they can, doesn't mean they should. Just like with candy, banning it will only make it worse, they'll binge at every opportunity. They need to learn to control themselves and as parents we are here to help them do this. Does this mean that after a week of demonstrating moderation and teaching them, they will suddenly know how much is too much? No. It's an ongoing process and it's great for the parent to continue both showing and gently teaching moderation throughout their growing years. For example, it may mean there are no handheld devices allowed at meal time, when spending time together as a family, and when at the store checkout. It may mean they never witness you text or browse while you're driving, they need to know the boundaries.

*  *  *

Once again, let me reiterate that common sense and leading by example are essential to healthy tech use and freedom from technological addiction! Yes, my kids see that I get a lot of work done sitting at the computer, they know what Facebook is, sort of - but it is balanced by seeing me cooking meals from scratch, taking them outdoors every day when the weather allows, spending time with family and visiting friends, traveling to photo sessions to pursue my passion of photography, and being a part of our community along with them. 

What are your views and experiences on technology and kids?

Picnic! {thoughts on work-life balance} #StonyfieldBlogger

Now that summer is here, we don't miss a chance to be outdoors instead of being home. We play outside, 'home'-school outside, and eat outside. I am thankful I can't really work outside - my work is tied to the computer except for actual photo sessions that I do outdoors while kids are with grandma. It really limits my work time, but I'm thankful for that. 

It means that every time I'm outside with kids, I'm really there, all of me. It means my work is more focused and I have to learn to say 'no' to Facebook and Pinterest. It means I can chase them around the playground until I have to stop and catch my breath. It means I stop wasting my time and put myself into every task wholeheartedly (always working on that one). It reminds me time is limited. It reminds me that even though nothing is perfect and I don't have all things figured out, my time with the kids is way more important than work. Even though it's work I truly love. Even though it's work that's been built on years of trial and error, sweat and tears, countless unpaid learning hours, webinars, and mentoring sessions. 

I may never become a world renowned photographer. My photos may never appear in Bride magazine. I may never shoot 40 weddings a year and don't intend to. But I know my kids, especially at this age, need my presence, undivided attention, and guidance as they slowly learn what life is about, what matters, what's more important than test scores, college admissions, or a career. 

It's a little alarming I'm raising them in a world where very few people do what they love. Very few make their passion their career. Not that people don't want to. It's just that they are hindered from doing that the moment they first step foot into public school, where test scores trump discovering your passions and talents. At least that's the impression I got in my 12 years of schooling. 

I don't have a formula for raising great kids, finding balance for life and work, helping kids find their life compass. I'm just learning as I go. If there is one skill that's great for a mom and entrepreneur to have, that's being a quick learner. Everything about motherhood is a learning curve. Breastfeeding, nap schedules, balancing career and kids, your relationship with your spouse, even understanding your own feelings about all the constant changes kids bring into your life. 

Nothing is perfect right now. I don't think anything in life can be. There is always room for improvement in work, marriage, raising kids, keeping a household. To me, life is one huge transition, it doesn't feel permanent, it passes by quickly. People come and go. I don't want to live pretending I have many more years with my kids, we truly don't know. 

So that's that. Amidst constant change, these little picnics and outings with my two little birds. Savoring each moment.

Disclaimer: Thanks to Stonyfield for providing yogurt goodies for kids and I to enjoy at our picnic!

Solutions to Toddler Sleep Issues

You would think your sleep deprivation would be over once your baby grows into a toddler, right? Not so fast! I have learned with both my children that so many factors affect the length and quality of their sleep. Through trial and error with outdoor time, the food we eat, and screen time, I've adjusted our daily routine for optimal sleep for all of us. Do I get it perfect every day? Uhm, no. Children change, we change, and it's always a learning process.

We talk about this with other moms and these five issues I am summarizing below are a common thread for negatively and positively affecting our children's sleep, of course besides the obvious - a regular bedtime (which hopefully isn't too early). 

I would love it if you chime in with a comment on how you've found any of these helping or hindering your child's quality of sleep!

Fresh Air and Sunshine

I am sure you've noticed that your kids sleep better when they spend time outdoors. Our Western lifestyle has robbed us of the natural rhythm of wake/sleep cycles. Spending most of our days indoors puts us in a state of "light deficiency", then our sleep cycle is further messed up by too much artificial light in the evening when natural light has faded. This reversed light exposure actually directly affects a group of cells in our brain, the suprachiasmatic nuclei, that synchronize to the light-dark cycle of your environment when light enters your eye. It's pretty amazing! You can read more about it here.  

From my own experience and that of many moms, outdoor time is crucial for kids (and adults!) to sleep well. Fresh air = healthier cells! Simply put, it brings more oxygen to the body's cells, which results in better function of all body systems including digestion, brain/cognitive function, increased growth due to healthier cells, improves the action of the lungs, etc. After five years of learning from my own children, there is no denying they sleep and behave better when they have ample outdoor time. Now I'm not going to go into how hard New England winters make this for us!

In simple terms, this means that it's crucial for both you and your kids to spend time outdoors during the morning and daytime, and then to wind down indoors without too many bright lights and no screen time before bed. Which brings us to the next factor...

Zero Screens

Okay, so zero screen time may be harsh. Staring at a screen for at least some part of the day is crucial for your well being, right? While technological advances are awesome and useful, we need to look at how screen time affects kids (and us!) 

Do my kids get zero screen time? Currently my toddler who is 2 years and 7 months old usually gets zero screen time, with the occasional 15 minutes of The Piano Guys music videos or some animal videos on the computer. My five year old gets no more than an hour of screen time each day (while her brother is napping) and it usually pertains to homeschooling, learning videos, or interactive learning games. Sometimes I make her nap with him if necessary, or spend one-on-one time with her, which eliminates screen time on those days. 

Toddlers and screen time don't mix. At least that's what I experienced with both my son and daughter. Our screen time limits are just a result of what we've experienced when we had no particular limits, to put it simply - it was chaos. Daily screen time affected both my toddlers negatively and resulted in epic tantrums, poor eating habits, short attention span, night terrors and sleep problems, behavior issues, and pretty much zero desire for anything but screen time. 

We don't have a TV in the house, and I'm glad we don't. I don't miss anything by not watching it and according to statistics I gain about 5 hours a day - the average amount of TV an American watches every day! That's 35 hours a week that I instead spend with my kids, cooking simple healthy meals, and working on my home-based businesses. Instead of watching TV and having it show me what my life could be like, what I should buy, or what will 'make me happy', I spend that time creating the life I enjoy and spending quality time with actual people. 

I have to say, it isn't easier for me or particularly convenient to not be able to rely on television to occupy my children when I shower, cook meals, clean the house, or have a phone conversation. It forces me to get really creative and it forces my kids to interact with each other more and to learn to get along. It can be tough sometimes going against the grain of what our society deems necessary. In the long run, limiting screen time get everyone more and better quality sleep and makes parenting easier in many tangible ways.

Social Interaction

I am an introvert. I prefer to spend time with very few people I am close with. I really don't like crowds. But all humans are social beings and we all in one way or another crave meaningful interaction. Childhood is the perfect time to demonstrate to your kids how to build relationships by example. I can't tell you how many kids I meet are clueless about how to properly interact with children of various ages or adults. I really believe it's beneficial for children to play and interact with those older and younger than them, in the presence of their parents that can gently direct them and at the same time demonstrate their relationship to the adults present.

I've noticed this so many times, playing with other kids tires my children out immensely! Social interaction fuels their developing mind. Everything is new to toddlers in the world around them, so is interacting and learning about relationships! Granted you know your child best, some may benefit from one-on-one play dates and others may enjoy a large group setting more. Try both and see what works for you.  

Mind Work 

When kids participate in passive activities all day as onlookers, they are missing out and likely they will not sleep as well as they could. I'm sure you notice that when you leave a child with a few hands on toys, blocks, and tactile items, they'll go explore them right away. Yes, some mind work may happen with a screen and an interactive game, but the developing minds of toddlers need real-life 3D exploration. They instinctively crave it. Just watch them play in the dirt with rocks, sticks, and grass. 

Toddlers learn through play - hey, kids of all ages do! Even adults learn best through hands on and visual activities than just lectures or textbooks. Present your toddlers with ample opportunities to use their mind creatively throughout the day. Some of our favorite aides in this, items they play with regularly is the Haba Indian Summer Magnetic Game, alphabet blocks, City Blocs, Lego Duplo, IKEA train sets and abacus, geometric stacker, and a shape sorting cube, to name a few. 

Of course books are in a category of their own when it comes to mind work. We regularly use our library card because I could never own all the books they want me to read to them and explore on their own! It does wonders for developing their vocabulary and language skills. We don't go to bed without reading. We do have quite a few favorites though that have a permanent place on our shelves (like this one and this one). 

Watch the Ingredients

Reading nutrition facts is not enough these days, the ingredient label is just as if not more important. I wish I was making this up, but we truly live in a world where 'food' marketed to kids and their parents hardly resembles real food. It's usually a mixture of sugar, artificial flavoring, coloring, additives and GMOs. I'm sure you already know this. 

What's our story? Before kids we lived mostly off of processed foods and when I bought boxes labeled "all natural" I really thought it was in fact natural. Pregnant with my first, I learned a lot I didn't know. We slowly switched to real foods and simpler meals, as a result our food budget actually shrunk. Many health problems diminished or disappeared. We started feeling a lot better overall. Little by little we started buying more organic produce and looking for healthier meats, and we still spend far less than we did on food before we had children. Processed foods are expensive!

Our bodies are used to feeling well when we eat meals at home since we consume very little added sugar (which is a lot like cocaine) and nothing artificial. When we travel and visit people however, I allow my children to eat a certain amount of whatever is served and it usually involves sugar-loaded dessert. Without fail, every single time their behavior changes and they do not sleep well after consuming these kinds of foods. It's just a personal observation, but I know I'm not alone in my findings. A lot of moms that feed their kids more/less healthy on a daily basis will tell you what too much sugar, colors, and flavors does to their kids when they allow it on occasion! 

If your family is still living off of the SAD (Standard American Diet) consisting mostly of processed foods and sugars, don't despair. You can change things a little at a time and gradually substitute processed packaged foods for things more wholesome and natural. You'd be amazed at how much money it will save you too, along with better health and sleep for everyone. 

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Does your toddler have sleep issues? Have you tried all this and still having trouble? Maybe you have more ideas to share with other moms? Let us know below!

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3 Ways to Prepare Your Child for LIFE

As I watched my five year old daughter sleep this morning, I was overwhelmed with the momentous task of having to prepare her for this world. I know she is sheltered and safe here. I remembered all of my experiences over the thirty years I've lived on this earth, and suddenly I realized she will soon be living a life of her own.

I reflected on what has shaped me and helped me achieve success in life and everything pointed to three basic foundations that guided my choices through my teenage years and as an adult. It can be a scary thought to have to let go of your children, but if you instill these basic principles in their childhood years, they'll be okay! Hey, my mom is not the perfect parent either. The little things won't matter so much, but it's these things that will guide them. 

Give Them a Moral Compass

It may be popular to just let your kids try everything. But you would be doing them a great disservice if you don't teach them right from wrong. Wise from foolish. People without a concrete moral compass end up with drug overdoses, alcohol addiction, teenage pregnancies, and other life-sucking moments. Incidentally, while my parents taught me basic morals, they were not the ones that provided me with a moral compass. It's something that I thankfully acquired when we moved to the U.S. and I started regularly attending a Christian congregation. Was it a group of perfect saints that got together every Sunday? No. They were real people with real struggles. But I thank God that through them and the Bible He has created a solid moral compass in my life. Sorry if I'm getting too religious for you, but this is the number one reason that's kept me from making stupid mistakes in my life. 

As a teenager I wasn't sheltered. My parents let me have my own experiences. I've been in many situations where I was one step away from making great mistakes that would have prevented me from being where I am today. If it wasn't for that moral compass - I would likely not be here today, or I'd be enduring a pretty dismal existence. 

Invest in THEM, Not Their College Fund

College tuition is a joke. Paying for an education so that you can spend the rest of your life paying off your loans makes little sense. Hey, I'm still paying mine. My education did not make me a happier or a more successful person. I'm not even using my degree at the moment. But I am really thankful my parents invested in my passions and my childhood. I now realize those piano lessons, art lessons, camps, and mentorships were really priceless. They could not afford paying for my college tuition, I've had to rely on financial aid, scholarships, and loans. Only now I realize college wasn't a necessity as everyone made it seem.

Yes, college can be necessary depending on your chosen profession. For some people it may be a worthwhile investment. In this day and age however, with ever changing technology and world circumstances, there is more wisdom in investing in your child now - not when they are 18. It's too late then. Look carefully at what they are passionate about, what do they love to do? Invest in developing their talents and giving them an opportunity to explore new ones. I was inspired by these parents. 

Invest in music and art, things that may be less tangible but have a profound impact on the creativity and resilience of your growing child. Invest in relationships that will last beyond their schooling years. It's not a secret that positive relationships enhance our lives in many ways. 

It's also so important to let your children see the world! Yes, travel is expensive, but it will be a far better investment than college. They need to see how other people live. They need to be aware of the history of countries, empires, and fallen civilizations. History and culture teaches us so many intangible things. I would definitely not be the person I am today if I didn't have the travel experiences of my teenage years. So thankful my parents spent money on that and thankful to the people that sponsored me on missionary trips, they were truly life changing. 

Love Unconditionally

Last but not least, love them no matter what. It's easier to do now. They spill milk, you love them anyway. They draw with permanent marker on the wall, you love them anyway. It will get a little harder when they are older. They crash your car, you love them anyway. They come home smelling of cigarettes, you love them anyway. Your love will make them feel guiltier than any punishment. It's much harder for your kids to upset someone who loves them than someone who constantly nags, yells, or generally annoys them. 

I didn't give my parents much trouble. Yes there were some instances. I truly believe one of the reasons I was an 'easy child' is because I always felt their unconditional love for me. However I know people, friends, family, that did not have that type of relationship with their parents and thus it caused much heartache for everyone involved. Even now as adults it haunts them that they aren't loved for one reason or another. 

Love does not equal always giving them what they want. It's showing them that our relationship is more important than having things we may desire. 

Fill your children's lives with unconditional love and they'll turn out alright. 

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What tips do you have for preparing your child for life?

#SliceofPerfect in My #MessyReality {Photo Challenge}

Today Jill Krause from Baby Rabies inspired me with her photo challenge. I read her post and nodded, I often post very nice photos of my kids but people don't get to see the 'big picture'. This above is my Slice of Perfect, I chose to crop out our messy kids/homeschooling/guest room after I've pretty much let them make a mess and move things around. 

This morning they woke up and Baby E shouted she wants to 'do school'. Our normal educational activities are nothing like school, but this time she wanted me to use the whiteboard and wanted to have 'school desks'. You can see that below. As we were doing math, we heard the beeping sound outside and my 2 year old exclaims, "Excavator!" It actually was one, and they were both so excited! They've been watching the excavator dig a whole for the past half hour. 

Less obvious in the photo is our ceiling that has leaked almost every winter. It's been fixed, painted over, and leaked on again because of ice build up on the roof. Boxes of legos, rocking hourse, exercise ball, dollhouse, just a typical play room. Notice the Christmas lights hanging. It's mid-April. They don't want to take them down!

So there you have it! My Slice of Perfect. It reminds me of having to choose daily to enjoy the 'perfect' moments among the really messy daily reality of motherhood. Otherwise we would all go crazy. 

You can tweet and Instagram your #SliceOfPerfect and #MessyReality photos to join in on the Baby Rabies photo challenge!

Life

Fevers.

Tough for baby, tough for mom to deal with. My five year old had a fever for two days last week, while I was still parenting alone as hubby was away for work (for 3 weeks! Yikes!). This week hubby is back (yay!) but our two year old is down with a high fever right now. 

You have no idea how much I just want to blog and write! I've got so many great articles in draft! So many photos to share! I even want to set aside my "paying work" just to blog. 

But you know what, none of that I want as much as for my babies to be well and to spend time with them and my hubby. I know that the blog isn't going anywhere. It will be here tomorrow. It will be here next week. I love you all and would love to share more with you. But my time with my family each day is gone, never to come back. I want to have as much of that time with them as possible while we can. Next week hubby is leaving again, so we are enjoying his 'vacation' with us.  

So excuse me as I go check the on the baby's fever again, snuggle up to nurse him, treat with much love and the best natural remedies I can find. 

Tomorrow is a new day and this mama needs her sleep. :)

The Reality of Fancy Recipes

I subscribe to many food blogs that post yummy, amazing recipes several times a week. Sometimes I even bookmark (Pin) one. I think to myself "my kids would love this one, oh and this one, and this". With such an onslaught of perfect recipes it's easy to fall into the trap of feeling guilty because let's face it - when it comes to reality, you're not going to make a new recipe every day, or every week even. 

Hey, I have times where all month long I make nothing new and it's pure survival mode in the kitchen. You know those times when you just don't feel the inspiration to make something new? When you simply have no time to invest in trying a new recipe? When it's pasta and hot dogs, with side of ketchup for dinner. 

We are so spoiled. Food network. Gourmet restaurants. Organic this, organic that. Right now as you're reading this, there are children searching for food at the dump somewhere. That really puts it in perspective, doesn't it?

I have to remind my own kids of this, because sometimes I am the one spoiling them by making something they request to eat. Overall, I make and share easy recipes. I try to keep it basic. Even then, most of the recipes you'll see on that page I've made less than a handful of times because as a work-at-home mom I just don't have the time for many of them. Lazy chicken is a favorite - and not because I'm lazy, but because it's quick for when time is of the essence. I've stopped making homemade bread a while ago. We do still make birds-in-a-nest, fried plantains, and sprouted crust mushroom pizza. That's as special as it will get, usually once a week. The rest is just large batches of soup for lunch, chicken with alternating sides, and yes, even some things from the freezer aisle at Trader Joe's. But hey, at least the bulk of our diet is healthy stuff from scratch, even if it isn't fancy. Even if it's [gasp!] boring. 

I make cookies often, and secretly envy those that just buy them. I make pancakes from scratch because I can't justify buying a mix for some odd reason. But I make them when our breakfast routine of omelette, oatmeal, or bread/butter/cheese, just gets too repetitive. 

Yesterday I made cake on a whim. From scratch everything cake. For no reason, no occasion, other than having a pack of Stonyfield organic heavy whipping cream in my fridge that I wanted to use while it's still fresh. I made it just because I know how much my kids LOVE freshly whipped cream, and what better way to eat it than on cake. For the record, when there is a special occasion I make this cake without much desire, I almost force myself. I'm not good at it. Yesterday I did not want to make it, but I enjoyed seeing my children's faces light up as I made it and as they ate it. 

But that's so rare! Most days I just need to feed them without spending all day in the kitchen. Even when that's how I do it, I still feel like I'm in the kitchen too long making breakfast, lunch, and dinner. 

It's surreal right now how I took it for granted as a teenager. Knowing I can come into the kitchen and my mom always had something ready for us to eat. Wow, that was such a luxury. 

Now I'm providing that luxury to my children, my husband. I feel blessed to be the one providing it for them, but sometimes it just gets so repetitive. I need a reminder that it's just food and doesn't need to be fancy all the time. 

So, sorry food bloggers, but I just may unsubscribe from a few of your lists because the recipes you post are just too time consuming and make me feel unnecessarily guilty. Don't worry, I'll probably still find you on Pinterest if I need to when culinary inspiration strikes!

Do you ever feel stuck in a rut in the kitchen? Do you feel the pressure to make fancy recipes for your family?

Baby E is 5!

Our first-born turned 5 today. F-I-V-E! I really don't know when that happened. I'm scared I'll blink and she'll be 10. Yet, that's how it is raising little ones. Four blinks and daddy is walking her down the aisle. 

You want them to grow up, yet you want them to stay little a little longer. I'm on a quest to keep them little as long as possible! :)  Baby E isn't aware of some things that girls her age are, simply because I want to keep her childhood simple. I want to put off 'serious things' as long as possible. Because she isn't around other girls every day but mostly with me, she doesn't think about things like body image, affluenza, the latest child pop stars, or jealousy. Yes I know eventually these things may affect her, but we as parents are here to build a strong foundation of character and faith so that these things do not affect her in negative ways and she'll be able to navigate life being herself.  

Baby E 3 months

That's one of the hardest things as a parent these days, isn't it. In a world that constantly tries to make our children (and us) into someone they are not - we need to steer them to be themselves. To discover and know themselves. 

She hasn't lost her uniqueness. But she is only 5, long road ahead. 

Meanwhile I'll let her play pretend, to keep her imagination going. I won't regret not having TV in the house, never have. I don't regret that I don't have to listen to kids begging for things they do not need, but are simply told to acquire through advertising. I don't regret having her home 24/7. 

Regrets? We all have some. Hm, I think I regret not letting her play in the mud and dirt enough. It's something she loves, but I think both my husband and I have forced her into some mild OCD tendencies. That's my mission for this year. More dirt. I'm serious. I know Baby T will join in with her. 

I'm thankful to be her mother. She has tested my patience, revealed unconditional love, and taught me more than any teacher. I pray she grows into a young woman with a beautiful soul and an open heart for those around her!

Blast from the past: Read "Baby E is 2?!" and "Baby E is 3!"

First photo credit: V & A Photography, taken by myself

Second photo: my mom

Kids Change Everything

I don't remember what my life was like before kids. But recently I had the opportunity to reminisce about it. I'm amazed at just how different it is to be daily consumed with raising children. I've met with a few girls, all of them either single or married with no kids yet. I got a small glimpse of what it was like.

BEFORE KIDS: When I wanted to go somewhere, this is what I had to do. Say "Hubby, I want to get together with some girlfriends Friday night, okay? You'll be at work anyway. I'll pack you lunch." Get dressed, do my makeup. I'm done.

WITH KIDS: "Hubby, I want to get together with some girlfriends Friday night, okay? You'll be at work anyway. I'll pack you lunch." That part doesn't change. But then...

Call mom to see if she can stay with the kids, negotiate.

Make healthy dinner for mom and the kids to eat while I'm out.

Get some diapers out and ready in case Baby T needs to be changed. Make sure to throw another load of diapers in the wash so that there are clean ones for next day.

Clean up toys strewn across the living room so it isn't a complete disaster by the time I'm back.

Plan to leave early so I can squeeze in a quick food shopping trip because shopping with kids is infinitely more complicated.

Put baby down for a nap, try again when he refuses.

Do my makeup, get dressed, stand in the doorway ready to leave while Baby E exclaims "Mommy I want to go with you!" Smile. "Because you're gentle mama." Heart melt.

Get Baby E dressed and let her come with me, after all I'm taking the gas guzzler anyway (Honda Pilot) with her car seat in it. Console myself that it's not a 'girls night out' but rather a orphan fundraiser meeting, it'll be good for her to be there.

Help Baby E up into the car, it's high, buckle her in since she can't really do it herself yet.

Have a lovely chat with your 5 year old daughter for the entire drive. Discover she has grown so much in the past year.

When you finally arrive, help daughter conquer the giant snow bank at the car door.

Enter the host's house and apologize you ended up coming with a kid.

Really enjoy and wallow in two hours of toddler free time, so relaxing. Talk to adults!

Make sure cell phone is on for when mom calls and reminds me it's past the time I should leave because Baby T needs to be in bed by 9:30 pm. Apologize that I need to leave, baby waiting.

Make sure Baby E goes to the bathroom before we leave so she doesn't ask to go when in the car.

Drive home and be thankful I have children, be thankful for all the ways they've filled my life, be thankful they are a reminder of what's important in life and they consume my hours so I have no time for trivial things. 

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You know, I do love it, I do. I don't miss life before kids. I don't.

It's just so different. To be constantly thinking about these little people, not just yourself and your spouse. The sheer weight of the responsibility can be overwhelming.

Do you remember life before kids? When was the last time you got out the door without any?

Kitchen Play: What Happens While I am Cooking

Baby T Stacking Wooden Shapes

Often the kids love to help me out in the kitchen, as you've seen in the previous recipe post. But honestly, that's not a picture of our 'everyday'. What do most days look like? The kids entertaining themselves in the vicinity of the kitchen while I make a quick meal or prep food for the next day. 

For the most part they find something to do on their own, I don't go out of my way to find something for them to entertain themselves with. It's good to just let them be. Not to schedule anything for them and not to plop them in front of a screen (which I do anyway). It helps that we have no TV downstairs anywhere near the kitchen. So they don't have a choice but to entertain themselves while I'm cooking or washing dishes. Here are some things they love to do, in no particular order...

Role play. Baby E is the instigator in this, and Baby T happily plays along even though he doesn't always 'get it'. Princess and knight. Dog and cat. Sun and moon. Mom and baby. Shop keeper and customer. Horse and rider. Broken car and a mechanic. Doctor and patient. Two musicians. Two cars going through a car wash. It's endless really, I just love seeing what they come up with. The amazing thing is that it's so real to them when they play. They take play very seriously!

Making 'music' with my bracelets!

Innovative musical inventions. You know kids, they'll make a toy out of anything. Well, my kids will make a musical toy out of anything. Music is in their blood (grandparents, great grandparents, many musicians on both sides of the family). This was a couple of months ago, Baby E dug up some of my jewelry and there were 2 bracelets there with dangles that make noise. They put them on their feet and danced away for a good 20 minutes - making 'music' and singing. Made my day! I love watching what they come up with and how carefree it is to be their age. They never get tired of making instruments out of random objects.

Forts. Castles. Villas. Tents. This is what kids do, they build shelters of all sorts. There is one in the background of the photo above. Although they have some actual tents to play with (like this one and this one), they will almost always choose to build something instead. After I bought a set of clamps, with the intention of using them for photography, of course they use them for securing their forts instead. Six clamps, 3 chairs, and a full or queen size sheet is all they need for hours of play.

Artistic endeavors. This is where they need a watchful eye from me. Although Baby E can mostly draw and paint without me next to her, Baby T cannot be trusted! Two year olds and art supplies, I'm sure you understand. So for the most part I just give him a box of crayons or pencils, putting the markers and paints out of reach. He can never draw for longer than five minutes, so he usually finds something else to do while his sister draws.

Dress up. Despite the fact I've never bought them any official 'dress up clothes', they always find something to dress up with. They dig into my collection of scarves and shawls. Baby E tries on my shoes. Baby T tries on her shoes. She puts one of her dresses on him. You know, nothing out of the ordinary. I always admire the 'play clothes' I see, always wanted to get a set of play silks for them, but never could justify spending money on that since it's not a 'need'. Maybe someday, for now they are content with whatever they can find in our closets.

Build. I don't like plastic toys. But I'm not ashamed to share my love for Legos. That love quickly turns to hate when you are walking down to the kitchen at 6 am and step on a lone Lego, but I digress. I don't mind the Duplos as much (they have this set and this one as gifts from grandparents, including our beloved grandpa George). The big ones don't get stuck in every couch crevice, or pose danger to the vacuum cleaner. I did however buy this set for Baby E when Baby T was little, I would spend so much time nursing the new baby, she needed something to keep her busy and she loves this set. It still gets played with almost daily and thankfully Baby T is at the point where he doesn't put anything in his mouth, so I don't have to constantly hide it. Of course they don't just build with Legos! We have plenty of wooden blocks available for them to build with, surprisingly neither of the sets we have are something I bought - this one was a prize and this was a gift.

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This isn't an exhaustive list by all means. They always come up with something new, we all know that. My goal is to not stifle their innovative hearts, but for them to continue inventing as they grow into adults. Sometimes I just need to watch them play and remember not to take things too seriously.

What do your kids do while you're in the kitchen?